Xrayser’s Love Island quiz: What kind of pharmacy lover are you?

I don’t understand why the announcement of a locum pharmacist appearing on Love Island was met with such surprise and incredulity. It’s almost as if the notion of a pharmacist as the great romantic doesn’t square with our science-based, detailed nature. Well, let me tell you how wrong that is. Just to prove it, here is a special summer quiz:

1. What is a ‘Lothario’?

1. The brand name of a recently licensed direct oral anticoagulant
2. My ex-boss, who’s now subject to a restraining order
3. My Twitter handle
4. A bit of a Jack the Lad, who is unfairly vilified if you ask me

2. It’s the pharmacy Christmas party and a co-worker offers you a drink. Do you:

1. Calculate the metabolism time of each unit of alcohol
2. Check this calculation with a drink-spiking dip test
3. Realise your co-worker wants you to work the late shift for them
4. Reply: “Make it a double!”

3. Relationships are not permitted within your workplace, so you:

1. Report for harassment anyone who signs your communal birthday card with a kiss
2. Politely decline a colleague’s invitation for a drink after work
3. Get this colleague to sign a consent form in triplicate
4. Remember why you change employer every nine months

4. What is the maximum quantity of sildenafil allowable on a monthly NHS prescription?

1. The clinical commissioning group guidelines say four tablets
2. If it’s up to eight I say 'good luck', and if it’s more I ask for their secret!
3. None – they should all buy Viagra Connect from pharmacies
4. There’s a maximum? Doesn’t that infringe some sort of human right?

5. What is your best dispensary chat-up line?

1. Are you a box of pen needles? ‘Cos you are Ultra-Fine
2. Even omeprazole can’t stop my heart burning for you
3. Do you have an inhaler? Because you took my breath away
4. Is that a BNF in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?

6. Who is your idea of the ideal partner?

1. Anyone who’s OK with a partner who has a 60-hour working week and evening training events
2. Anyone who’s OK with a partner who cries stress-induced tears at the end of a day
3. Anyone who’s OK to do extra duties when a dispenser phones in sick
4. Anyone who’s OK to go into the stock room alone with me

7. How do you feel about appearing on Love Island?

1. It would be a fascinating opportunity for a study of human interaction and emotional psychology
2. I’d rather have my head jammed repeatedly in the dispensing drawers
3. Great opportunity for link sales of clotrimazole
4. It would be unfair on the other competitors

If you got mostly:

1. You’re a dedicated and over-achieving pharmacist who puts work before anything else
2. You’re a part-time employee just trying to make the daily grind a bit more bearable
3. You’re an independent pharmacy owner with one eye on staff retention and another on your profit margin
4. You’re never in the same job for more than nine months and probably the reason that #MeToo exists. A perfect candidate for Love Island!